In school, my professors would require us to begin by stating our assumptions before presenting solutions to complex problems. It's easy to see how understanding a person's foundational assumptions is useful for comprehending the steps they take to solve a problem.
What's less obvious, is how, as humans, our foundational assumptions, or mental paradigms, dictate all of our actions in life.
I could write an entire book about the assumptions, both cultural and personal, that people operate from without even realizing it, and the impact those assumptions have. Today, we'll narrow the conversation to resilience.
It's a common assumption that resilience must be built; that people are fragile, especially mentally, and therefore must work on themselves to fortify their resilience.
With this as a foundational assumption, let's take a look at how you would function in the world?
- Firstly, you'd be afraid. For example, you'd be afraid of things like failure, bosses, losing your job, and disappointing people. If you're not already resilient, then the potential for a challenging situation looks terrifying because you believe that challenging situations can harm you.
- Secondly, it can feel that you're always in danger from pressure or stress. If you assume you are not resilient, then, not only do you feel the stress, but you are also concerned about the impact the stress will have on you. So now you have a double whammy of bad feelings and need to find a way to escape. Many people use unhealthy behaviors to escape this pressure.
- Lastly, you might end up feeling like you're not doing enough. The current formula for building resilience is self-care, exercise, spending time with friends, mindfulness practice, and so on: all things that you must add to your to do list. Which you may not have the time or money to do, so now you have a new layer of angst because you don't have the capacity to participate in these activities and build your resilience.
The result is an endless struggle for balance, for inner peace, or to simply find a way out.
However, what if your foundational assumption is that you already have resilience and it just gets covered up sometimes? Which is to say you are stronger and more capable than you can imagine, you just don't always recognize it.
It is not to say that you will always have good feelings — you will not. All humans have all feelings. But, it is a recognition that there is a kernel of greatness inside of you that never goes away. It's something you were born with and you are easily able to recognize it in others.
This is why we love stories of the underdog who triumphs: the person who overcomes great adversity to reach success. These stories give us a glimpse of this kernel of resilient spirit which we all have. These stories remind us of what we're made of.
Now, imagine operating from this paradigm of built-in resilience. How would you function in the world?
- Firstly, you would not be afraid of failure, bosses, losing your job, or disappointing others; because you would understand that these events could not break you. You would still do what needed to be done, but from a place of confidence that you can handle whatever comes your way.
- Secondly, you would feel stress, but not be worried by it. Like the great athletes who know that they improve by pushing their limits; you would know when to lean in and when to rest. With stress no longer being a trap that must be escaped, you can be clear headed in your decisions instead of operating from a fight or flight response.
- Lastly, you would decide when and how to take care of yourself, not out of fear that you will crumble if you're not doing enough, but out of recognition that you already have what it takes and the power to make good choices for yourself.
The result would be operating as your best self and bringing it all to the table. You would naturally get creative, set boundaries, or push boundaries as necessary.
You may even start to question other unhelpful assumptions you're operating from.
Artwork: Street Light (Lampada ad arco) by Giacomo Balla